Wednesday, January 30, 2008


at office... nothing special at all, yet as now...
i dont' know why, but i feel bit tired today... not really in mood... sleepy... hrmmm...
camon diana.... aiyooo... what's happening to me... sikit2 letih.... sikit2 penat... this is not good...
but anywy, this evng, after work... kita ada dance class... yeeaaa... that will brighten up my day... eheheeee... must be entertaining....
okla.... got to go... work work work work and work is coming...
aaaahhh, pls give me a break....


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Of Life

She had been a bad girl. She knew that she had been a bad girl. And even though she knew she was bad, it didn't stop her. For the first time in her life, something felt right, even though logically she knew it was so wrong.

Evelyn had been married a long time. As a matter of fact, she couldn't remember a time when she wasn't married. And at 34, she wondered what life would have been like if she had ever been an adult on her own. She had always "belonged" to someone else. First she was someone's child, then someone's wife and then someone's mother. She had never just been Evelyn.

Evelyn knew that she had grown up in a loving household. She knew that she was something of a spoiled brat. Although her parents didn't succumb to her every whim, she was well taken care of. In high school, she struggled with the fact that she wasn't the best at everything. She wanted to be number 1, but lacked the drive to do anything about it. Luckily she was smart. But she was also lonely. Never having a boyfriend and only a handful of dates, Evelyn wondered if she was really that ugly.

Not ever having many guys be interested in her, she entered her freshman year in college as a dew eyed innocent. Barely having experienced anything, she wondered if anyone would ever be attracted to her. During the spring semester, she had been set up on a blind date with Derrick. That first date had been a disaster and Evelyn was shocked to find out that he wanted another. He was handsome and cute, yet he wanted to go out with her again. Taken aback that someone liked her that when he proposed to her, she accepted even though it meant moving halfway across the country.

Derrick and Evelyn had a rocky start. Evelyn had never worked a real job before and had never understood a lack of money. She learned real fast and had to grow up real fast too. She clung to Derrick because it was the only thing she had in her life. All they had was each other and their love for each other. After several years, they managed to buy a little house and finally
get pregnant with a baby. Evelyn did work, but it didn't pay much. Money was still tight and Derrick lost the job that he had. He was forced to work somewhere that he didn't want to work at. He would lose his temper at Evelyn for things that hadn't been done around the house or about the meals that she tried to come up with on the limited money that they had. Didn't he understand that she was pregnant?

After the baby was born, Derrick seemed to ease up on Evelyn a little bit. He loved his little girl and she could do no wrong. But Evelyn had to make sure that everything was perfect in the house. It had to be spotless, his clothes had to be put away and dinner on the table when he got home. Evelyn did it all without ever complaining because she was afraid of being alone. She didn't want to lose her house, her baby, what little she had. Besides she loved him and how could she ask him to help out around the house when he worked harder than she did. Money was still an obstacle. It always was.

They lived this way, Evelyn in quiet servitude, for a few more years. Evelyn knew that Derrick didn't seem to love her anymore. He showed no interest in her at all. She couldn't blame him, after all she already knew that she wasn't pretty, she couldn't make ends meet and now she had become overweight. What interest could anyone have in her? One day he came home and told her that he didn't love her anymore. He had found someone else and he packed up a few things and left. Evelyn was shattered. After 10 years of marriage, he had fallen out of love with her. She knew that she must really be a horrible person for her husband of 10 years to not love her anymore. Most of all she cried because she was lonely and just knew that she would have to live the rest of her life alone.

Derrick wasn't gone very long. He came back and apologized to her. Told her that he just wanted her to be more outgoing, more loving. He told her that he couldn't be away from his little girl. Evelyn took him back in and tried to be the woman that he wanted her to be. She gave up who she had been and tried to remake herself into another person. Evelyn still loved Derrick and didn't want to live without him, so they needed to move past this in order to survive. Evelyn gave up her dream and got a different job and went back to school. She still quietly did everything around the house and never argued with him. She just tried to be the woman that he wanted her to be. She knew that she couldn't be alone.